Leon/The Professional

Oh Leon, Leon. Why did you you torment me so? Why did you release yourself as The Professional in America, but Leon everywhere else, so that when I looked for you in my local video store they said they didn’t have you. Well, I forgive you, because you are one of the best movies ever made and I could just eat you up.

I would like you to take this review as an example of what a movie is supposed to be. In all its unique, loving, funny, bittersweet, and actiony glory. Actiony is so a word. Because I said so.
Let us, for instance, take the beginning. Now, there is a point in the very beginning that is a bit campy. Very mafia stereotype, very cheesy dialogue. I like this and I’ll tell you why: because when the average person watches Leon, on say (perish the thought) TV, they would watch the first five minutes and think Another bang em up shoot em up mafia flick, and turn the channel. I say Good. Most people probably aren’t good enough to be allowed to watch Leon anyway. Ingrates. But if you are patient, if you wade through this tiny puddle of scripted disappointment, you won’t long feel wronged by Hollywood once again. (Maybe because it was made by mainly French filmmakers? Perhaps?)

Remember in my Emily Rose review, in which I said that the movie should have started out with a bang? Spinning heads and devil vomit from the outset. This movie does this. Not in a pathetic Rambo way. In a way that makes you think I don’t know who this guy is, but I must learn his ninja like ways. Indeed. Lion is as easy to catch as smoke.

Enter Natalie Portman. If you were unfortunate enough to see Anywhere but Here , first I apologize, and second I say, “Watch this movie. You will never doubt her again.” And to the very core of my tar filled movie heart, I mean it. She plays 12 year old Matilda, a girl ravaged by life. But not in a Jodie-Foster-in-Taxi-Driver sort of way. In a way that is Annie meets L7 and they have a love baby with Leonardo DiCaprio’s character on Growing Pains way. Did I lose you? Just trust me. The bottom line: mature beyond her years, street smart, with a mouth that could rival a construction worker.

Here are a few things I love about Leon: the milk thing. I think it is supposed to represent the innocence that he craves. The return to naivety that will never come for him. Matilda begins to hate the milk because she doesn’t want the innocence to return, she wants to mature so Leon will love her. Which is another thing about his movie that I love. The creepy love dynamic between Matilda and Leon that Leon is obviously fighting, which makes me love him even more. It makes me so sad for Matilda because you can tell that she is just so afraid, and using sex to get love as so many young women do when their lives fall apart. But alas, Leon just wants her to be normal, so his life can be normal. Take the plant, for example. Its so important to him because it is the only constant thing in his life. Something he can love and nurture without having to worry about fucking it up. It is the only thing in his life that is constant, but isn’t death.

I love the role reversal with Matilda and Leon. He is so brutal, but wants to be so naïve. And she is so naïve and wants to be brutal. He is constantly confused and saddened by her maturity and I love him so much for it. When he storms through the DEA office to save her, totally reckless in his love for her, I actually cried! Nothing matters as much to him as she does. How wonderful for them both!

Team all this with a deliciously crazy bad guy (what the hell are in those pills?) played by Gary Oldman (of Bram Soker's Dracula fame) and the movie is completely perfect. I’m sorry, but it is. Actually, I’m not sorry. The ending, which I will not give away here, is so amazing its almost poetic. The flash of light, the graceful fall to the floor, the ring in the hand.
Beautiful.

If you’ve seen Leon, then you love it. If you haven’t, there’s not anything wrong with you YET, but if you don’t make some small effort then you are at least a little bit dumb. You will say, very nonchalantly, “Edward Scissorhands? What’s that? Oh just another trying to be normal movie that is totally inept next to Leon.”

So of course, Leon/The Professional get the highest Joon rating of Awesome. What else is there to say?