Domino

I doubted Keira Knightly in this. I did. Even in Pirates of the Caribbean, where she was meant to be an uppidy princess who becomes a reckless tomboy-esque semi-heroine, she is as sweet as a peach and just as lovely. But girlfriend takes this role, and doesn't just kick its ass, she picks it up by the eyelids, slaps it across the face, asks it who its mama is, and then kicks its ass again.

On the DVD cover, they called it "Bounty Hunting on Acid", and boy is it ever. The jarring movements and muted colors of the cinematography were the perfect gritty edge that this movie needed. Not since Novalee Nation have I heard a name like Domino Harvey, and if I didn't know better I would have thought it a figment of a poor imagination. But she was real, this one-time Beverly Hills debutante reject, and she did indeed become one hell of a bounty hunter. The movie takes that and pleads guilty to but is unapologetic about its drastic off course changes into Hollywoodland from the true script of her life. We all know that if an FBI helicopter crashed into the middle of the Las Vegas strip we would have heard about it, but damn is it fun to watch. You know it didn't really happen but it doesn't stop you from doing what a good fiction movie should do: wish that it really did. All of it.

Domino is a woman both sexual and elusive, which makes her even sexier. She knows what she is, and the advantages it presents, and uses them fully, but don't mistake her as a slut. She will just as easily gut you as hear another line of your misogynistic bullshit. You might raise an eyebrow to watch her give a lapdance to save her life (actually, it really works with the movie. They managed to make it believable!), but you will only shout happy words when you see her break Brian Austin Green's nose. And he's not playing a character. He's just Brian Austin Green, playing Brian Austin Green, along side Ian Zeiring, as those two douche bags who semi-starred in the 90210 series. Yes, it is as funny and badass as it sounds, thanks for asking.

Men will enjoy this movie because it is fast paced, a lot of stuff blows up, and you see Keira Knightley's naked breasts long enough to know what they look like. Women will enjoy it because they found Charlie's Angels to be too slutty, and Kill Bill to be too unrealistic and long desperately for a woman who is smart, mean, and real. And her clothes are cute as hell.

I walked away from this movie wanting a few things: Keira's haircut, Lucy Lui to dream about pussy, and to break off Lateesha's fingernails before she put somebody's eye out.

Domino gets the Joon rating of Awesome: Bow to it you ungrateful bastards. And you should. Its that good.

Thumbsucker

When I saw this movie in the video store I had never heard of it, which surprised me considering it had a cast that was not necessarily to be scoffed at: Vincent D'onofrio (Law and Order CI's Det. Goren, Full Metal Jacket's Pile), Tilda Swinton (The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe's White Witch), Benjamin Bratt (One bad movie after another), Kelli Garner (Dreamland's Calista), Keanu Reeves (more on this bastard later), Vince Vaughn (if you don't know who he is by now you shouldn't even be reading a movie review), and the unknown but amazingly talented Lou Taylor Pucci (who you don't know, but you will).

Now, the casting was a bit off in two respects: Keanu Reeves should be dead. He shouldn't be making movies, and he certainly shouldn't be in a movie so real, funny and poignant that it makes Crash look like a pile of horse crap (granted that isn't very hard for me to say since I wasn't all that fond of Crash). Every nuance of this movie is real, except everything that Keanu Reeves says and does. I honestly expected that at any moment he would bust out and say, "Dude! Most righteous!" and then do air guitar. Honestly. He was that bad. Now, I loved Devil’s Advocate, and Speed and I could absolutely die with happiness when watching Bram Stoker‘s Dracula, but this man can’t act and this movie might as well have had a big flashing Las Vegas size sign pointing at him and blinking “Sucks! Sucks! Sucks!”. End of story. Just take my word for it.

Next is Vince Vaughn. His part was unfunny and totally wienerish. Is wienerish a word? My spell checker says its not, but I defy thee! Vince Vaughn should have had Keanu Reeves part. It may not have been funny, but he wouldn’t have had to act like a wiener. Still, I’m glad he was there. I didn’t like him in Psycho, but he saved Wedding Crashers, and lets face it people, its tough to save anything that Owen Wilson is going south in. (PS If Owen Wilson is reading this I still totally love you and will always love you because you played Eli Cash in the Royal Tenenbaums, one of my favorite movies of all time. Didn’t you help write that too? Jebus! Thank you). Moving on.

When I started watching Thumbsucker, I thought it was going to be so quirky and ridiculous that in the end I would wonder what in the hell I had just watched and what the hell had the damn point been anyway? But if nothing else I feel like I can trust Vincent D’onofrio’s judgment (I even like The Cell. Stop laughing.) So watch I did and I realized that this movie didn’t just delve into the heart and life of a teenage boy (Justin Cobb, played by Lou Pucci) to whom thumb sucking had been an addiction his entire life. No. Get this: it covers drug addiction (both behavioral drugs as well as street drugs), married life in all that it is and seems to be, the alpha male family dynamic, sex and that life is everything and nothing you expect all at once. The movie I was watching was a picture of that same thought: everything and nothing I expected. It managed to cover all these topics in a way that Hollywood has forgotten completely: without utter alarm and panic. Imagine that, if you can.

D’onofrio and Swinton play the parents, who are in a strange mishmash of a marriage, and both play their roles so naturally that you are so happy when their place in Lou’s story goes from dangling subplot to front stage, because you just want to watch them work. Its that good. Kelli Garner plays Justin’s “girlfriend” Rebecca, who comes and goes in the story but is so deliciously sensual and aloof you want to bite a hole through your lip. And lastly, but people he ain’t the least, is Lou Pucci who plays Justin.

Horrified by his addiction to sucking his thumb; which makes his father disgusted with him, is only one more thing for his mother to just roll over and ignore about him and that leads him in the most stressful situations to the bathroom stall to partake in, he decides to part ways with his habit which turns not into a silly journey through a pathetic excuse for withdrawals, but which leads you through the many ins and outs of his life, his school, his family, his future. Can he quit? Should he have to? What is it about being a thumb sucker that marks him in the way he has marked even himself? But what its really about is the world and the people in it, and our perception of them, ourselves and the events and places that make up our lives. NO ONE could have played this role like Lou Pucci. He is the next Leonardo Dicaprio and I don’t mean that in a bad way. I mean that he’s handsome, and breathtakingly talented. I ate up every word he spoke. If Lou Pucci kicked me in the boob, I’d ask for another. Write that down somewhere, I want you to remember that I said it. Johnny Depp? Orlando Bloom? Lou Pucci. Just watch.

Joon gives Thumbsucker the Joon rating of Awesome. That means watch it. Or someday when you’re watching Lou Pucci on Inside the Actor’s Studio you’ll be thinking “You know, I really should see that movie. They say it was his springboard!”. It’ll be like DiCaprio’s What’s Eating Gilbert Grape. It’ll be Johnny’s 21 Jumpstreet. It’ll be Basic Instinct for Sharon Stone and The Mask for Cameron Diaz. Only you’ll want to watch it.

Leon/The Professional

Oh Leon, Leon. Why did you you torment me so? Why did you release yourself as The Professional in America, but Leon everywhere else, so that when I looked for you in my local video store they said they didn’t have you. Well, I forgive you, because you are one of the best movies ever made and I could just eat you up.

I would like you to take this review as an example of what a movie is supposed to be. In all its unique, loving, funny, bittersweet, and actiony glory. Actiony is so a word. Because I said so.
Let us, for instance, take the beginning. Now, there is a point in the very beginning that is a bit campy. Very mafia stereotype, very cheesy dialogue. I like this and I’ll tell you why: because when the average person watches Leon, on say (perish the thought) TV, they would watch the first five minutes and think Another bang em up shoot em up mafia flick, and turn the channel. I say Good. Most people probably aren’t good enough to be allowed to watch Leon anyway. Ingrates. But if you are patient, if you wade through this tiny puddle of scripted disappointment, you won’t long feel wronged by Hollywood once again. (Maybe because it was made by mainly French filmmakers? Perhaps?)

Remember in my Emily Rose review, in which I said that the movie should have started out with a bang? Spinning heads and devil vomit from the outset. This movie does this. Not in a pathetic Rambo way. In a way that makes you think I don’t know who this guy is, but I must learn his ninja like ways. Indeed. Lion is as easy to catch as smoke.

Enter Natalie Portman. If you were unfortunate enough to see Anywhere but Here , first I apologize, and second I say, “Watch this movie. You will never doubt her again.” And to the very core of my tar filled movie heart, I mean it. She plays 12 year old Matilda, a girl ravaged by life. But not in a Jodie-Foster-in-Taxi-Driver sort of way. In a way that is Annie meets L7 and they have a love baby with Leonardo DiCaprio’s character on Growing Pains way. Did I lose you? Just trust me. The bottom line: mature beyond her years, street smart, with a mouth that could rival a construction worker.

Here are a few things I love about Leon: the milk thing. I think it is supposed to represent the innocence that he craves. The return to naivety that will never come for him. Matilda begins to hate the milk because she doesn’t want the innocence to return, she wants to mature so Leon will love her. Which is another thing about his movie that I love. The creepy love dynamic between Matilda and Leon that Leon is obviously fighting, which makes me love him even more. It makes me so sad for Matilda because you can tell that she is just so afraid, and using sex to get love as so many young women do when their lives fall apart. But alas, Leon just wants her to be normal, so his life can be normal. Take the plant, for example. Its so important to him because it is the only constant thing in his life. Something he can love and nurture without having to worry about fucking it up. It is the only thing in his life that is constant, but isn’t death.

I love the role reversal with Matilda and Leon. He is so brutal, but wants to be so naïve. And she is so naïve and wants to be brutal. He is constantly confused and saddened by her maturity and I love him so much for it. When he storms through the DEA office to save her, totally reckless in his love for her, I actually cried! Nothing matters as much to him as she does. How wonderful for them both!

Team all this with a deliciously crazy bad guy (what the hell are in those pills?) played by Gary Oldman (of Bram Soker's Dracula fame) and the movie is completely perfect. I’m sorry, but it is. Actually, I’m not sorry. The ending, which I will not give away here, is so amazing its almost poetic. The flash of light, the graceful fall to the floor, the ring in the hand.
Beautiful.

If you’ve seen Leon, then you love it. If you haven’t, there’s not anything wrong with you YET, but if you don’t make some small effort then you are at least a little bit dumb. You will say, very nonchalantly, “Edward Scissorhands? What’s that? Oh just another trying to be normal movie that is totally inept next to Leon.”

So of course, Leon/The Professional get the highest Joon rating of Awesome. What else is there to say?