Boogie Nights

After much ado and about 10 years, I finally got around to watching Boogie Nights. Oh... my... gawd. It took my a while to realize that I was supposed to be laughing, which I love. Markie Mark (you can't make me call him Mark Wahlberg. I don't care if he wins the Oscar for Hamlet, he still did Good Vibrations) pulled off the polite porn star so well that I actually got sad when he turned into a --forgive the pun-- dick.

Julianne Moore was practically flawless as the dysfunctional mommy figure with more issues than National Geographic. Philip Seymore Hoffman, best known for winning the Best Actor Oscar for his flawless portrayal of Truman Capote, shows just how great of an actor he is by taking a small role and making it big.

I really couldn't tell you what was my favorite part. Could it have been Dirk Diggler's porn debut, with Julianne Moore's hilariously terrible acting and her uber-classy "I'm fixed" remark? Maybe its William Macy finding his wife banging another dude -again!- in the middle of a driveway? Or perhaps its Rollergirl kicking that asshole's head in as she frantically screams "Don't you fucking disrespect me!!!" No. It is surely that parting shot. That single moment as the film comes to a close where Dirk Diggler whips out the money maker for all to see.

What made this movie kick ass in my eyes was the fact that you could never really tell when it was being serious. Even as you can feel the shit getting ready to hit the fan at the coke dealer's pad, its still funny. And you can't really count any movie out that shows you Heather Graham completely nude. I give it a Joon Rating it of Pretty Damn Cool. I'd watch it again.

Domino

I doubted Keira Knightly in this. I did. Even in Pirates of the Caribbean, where she was meant to be an uppidy princess who becomes a reckless tomboy-esque semi-heroine, she is as sweet as a peach and just as lovely. But girlfriend takes this role, and doesn't just kick its ass, she picks it up by the eyelids, slaps it across the face, asks it who its mama is, and then kicks its ass again.

On the DVD cover, they called it "Bounty Hunting on Acid", and boy is it ever. The jarring movements and muted colors of the cinematography were the perfect gritty edge that this movie needed. Not since Novalee Nation have I heard a name like Domino Harvey, and if I didn't know better I would have thought it a figment of a poor imagination. But she was real, this one-time Beverly Hills debutante reject, and she did indeed become one hell of a bounty hunter. The movie takes that and pleads guilty to but is unapologetic about its drastic off course changes into Hollywoodland from the true script of her life. We all know that if an FBI helicopter crashed into the middle of the Las Vegas strip we would have heard about it, but damn is it fun to watch. You know it didn't really happen but it doesn't stop you from doing what a good fiction movie should do: wish that it really did. All of it.

Domino is a woman both sexual and elusive, which makes her even sexier. She knows what she is, and the advantages it presents, and uses them fully, but don't mistake her as a slut. She will just as easily gut you as hear another line of your misogynistic bullshit. You might raise an eyebrow to watch her give a lapdance to save her life (actually, it really works with the movie. They managed to make it believable!), but you will only shout happy words when you see her break Brian Austin Green's nose. And he's not playing a character. He's just Brian Austin Green, playing Brian Austin Green, along side Ian Zeiring, as those two douche bags who semi-starred in the 90210 series. Yes, it is as funny and badass as it sounds, thanks for asking.

Men will enjoy this movie because it is fast paced, a lot of stuff blows up, and you see Keira Knightley's naked breasts long enough to know what they look like. Women will enjoy it because they found Charlie's Angels to be too slutty, and Kill Bill to be too unrealistic and long desperately for a woman who is smart, mean, and real. And her clothes are cute as hell.

I walked away from this movie wanting a few things: Keira's haircut, Lucy Lui to dream about pussy, and to break off Lateesha's fingernails before she put somebody's eye out.

Domino gets the Joon rating of Awesome: Bow to it you ungrateful bastards. And you should. Its that good.